The Disappearing Act

Everyone in the dating world has experienced at least one “Disappearing Act” where the person just never calls back, leaving you to wonder why? As a Matchmaker to an elite Beverly Hills Matchmaking Service, Marla Martenson is a constant mediator between couples looking for love. In a business where she often has to deal with overblown egos, and in a city where perfection is a prerequisite, she dishes with candor and humor to navigate through it all:

Let’s face it, dating can be downright confusing at times. As a matchmaker, I hear all of the feedback. The good, the bad and the ugly. The most common feedback that I get from both men and women usually goes something like this:

“Marla, I had the most incredible date with Melissa, it couldn’t have gone better, in fact at one point she even reached over, took my hand and planted a kiss on my lips! I told her I would call her again for a second date, but she is not returning my calls. I just don’t get it. Maybe something happened to her? Can you find out if she wants to see me again please?”

Or

“Marla, I have been seeing Ron for the past two months and I really like him, but I don’t think that he is looking for a long-term relationship, because he disappears and I won’t hear from him for a week or so at a time.”

Both scenarios are true and I hear them all the time. I finally tracked Melissa down, nothing had happened to her, she was not in a car accident or in the hospital with the bird flu, she said that she just didn’t have any romantic attraction to her date, but thought he was a wonderful guy. So why did she kiss him? Who knows, maybe she was tipsy from the wine, or loved the attention he gave her, she didn’t explain. And why didn’t she just return his calls and tell him that although she had a great time, she did not feel the romantic chemistry to see him again? Because people don’t like to hurt someone’s feelings, they don’t want a confrontation and it is downright uncomfortable to tell someone who clearly likes you that you do not feel the same way. So disappearing acts will almost always be for those reasons, and nothing more mysterious or complicated than that.

As far as Ron is concerned, he told me that he just didn’t see the relationship going anywhere with the gal he was seeing. He liked her enough to see her off and on for two months, while he was seeing other women as well, but in the end, he just wasn’t interested and stopped calling. As humans we always look for an answer, we like puzzles and trying to figure out exactly what went wrong, but more often than not, it is a simple case of not enough chemistry or interest on the part of the other person. When men disappear you can almost always assume that they are seeing other women as well and someone else has sparked their interest more than you have. Once I realized this my dating life became much less painful and if a guy didn’t call me anymore, I just moved right along to the next guy who was lucky enough to go out with me.

Marla Martenson
Author of Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker