Okay, we’re now in the New Year and it is time for resolutions like getting back on the treadmill to lose a little of the holiday weight we have picked up, and hopefully find real love in 2011. There is that old saying that “stormy seas make able sailors.” Look at the past year of romantic storms, messy breakups, empty hook-ups, or just bad choices as your steps to finding what you want in the New Year.
- Get off the couch and change your dating routine. There are ways to discover people just like you that are looking for a fulfilling and committed relationship. Stay away from getting intensely involved with newly divorced people. They will most likely not be in the same emotional place as you. Stay clear of getting attached to someone who is in an unhappy relationship, but just has not gotten to the point of jumping ship. They are not truly available yet. Let love find you in the activities you enjoy like clubs, organizations, charities and church. Restaurants are usually packed with singles eating out but avoid the night club scene. This source is conducive to poor choices. In the midst of dim lights, blaring music and alcohol, you may overlook what you will find out later: he doesn’t look like what you remembered, there was zero common connections found trying to converse over loud music, and worse, the alcohol has made you forget his name anyway.
- Shorten the list and define what is important. Delete some of your check lists. Keep an open mind and work on self-improvement. You are just not going to get everything you want. People have their quirks, so you might have to accept some of them with a little tolerance. If you do not want to remain single forever, try the approach that if a guy possesses at least 65% of your wish list, he might just be Mr. Right. Fan that flame honey! Do not think you are settling–you are just working with realistic expectations and goals.
- Develop a plan of action and stick to it. If you are in pursuit mode for a relationship and there are vital issues you cannot resolve, give yourself a time frame. If there is no change within that time frame, then move on. If you want to be married and the guy just will not move forward after 5-10 years, then put your plan into action. Dump him! Most likely he is never going to be proactive about trying to reach the ultimate level of love and trust. The worst nightmare is being a swinging single in your 70’s and trying to balance your walker, bingo cards, and your date.
- Listen to advice. Listen to your friends, family, and your kids. They know you better sometimes than you know yourself. People that know you well can often can see things more clearly, especially when your own judgment is clouded by emotions or lack of them. If your friends are saying “what were you thinking,” then listen up. The red flags might be waving like May-Day in Moscow and you can’t see them or refuse to see them.
- Resolve to make friends. For daters, this is an important source for expanding opportunity to meet like-minded people. If you go out with someone and there are no flaring pheromones, make an effort to continue a friendship. You can help each other with social networking. The more paths you cross, the better chance you have of running into prince charming.
I think with each relationship you learn something about yourself to inspire personal growth. Stay confident that a love match is out there for you. Be willing to date younger or older and near or far when you meet a real potential partner. Take the risk of being vulnerable and let down your guards when you feel it is right. May peace, joy and love be yours in 2011.
