The single world can feel so frustrating, similar to the hamster running on the wheel that never goes anywhere. There are so many hypocritical double standards. It’s no wonder some women would prefer to stay home with a glass of merlot, popcorn, and reruns of Desperate Housewives. Subscribing to the “let the man make the first move” mentality doesn’t apply in the 21st century. It will not increase your options. You could be waiting for a while if you aren’t proactive. Let’s face it, if we bat our eyes in the direction of a handsome fella some would say we are making ourselves approachable. However, there are those snotty attitudes that would accuse us of looking desperate. Men have such fragile egos, (more than us ladies) and are deathly afraid of rejection which is no fun for anyone. They want to feel like a woman is receptive to their approach. Why shave your legs and apply makeup if you are not going to flirt? Men need a cue. So how do we maintain the air of being interested without looking like the “big rope” cowgirl ready to lasso?
GET NOTICED. Men have always been visual, so use this to your advantage. Use your sense of style to catch his attention. If it is the dead of winter, add something colorful to make you stand out. Try some sexy shoes or a new hair accessory. Someone who is checking out your ensemble is trying to get a sense of you. I have heard a lot of guys talk about how a woman carries herself, and how her sense of style appealed to them. Don’t go overboard with bearing cleavage. If you are busty, there is no need to advertise it. It looks like you are trying too hard. You want the focus to be you, not your body parts. The mystery of what is underneath is a privilege he should have to work for.
MEET THE EYES. Ladies, men’s egos are so much more fragile than yours. Fear is what is keeping him from approaching you to start the conversation. Make it clear, in a nonverbal way, you want to talk to him. Your smile and your eyes are the key to his courage. Go ahead, break the ice and start the conversation. I once observed a girlfriend in action who always seemed to be a great ice breaker. She always started up a conversation by throwing a playful insult to the guy (no kidding 90% of the time it worked). I guess it presented a challenge right? There is that ole saying teasing is just a sign of affection. Hey there is something to be said about pragmatism. If it works use it. Once you make your “move” relax, he sees you. If you keep trying to catch his attention the less chance it’s going to happen. You will come across as needy or desperate. I have seen two responses from men concerning “desperate.” They either run, or they become predators hoping to get lucky.
CONTENTMENT. Exuding happiness on where you are now, but looking forward to the future is contagious. Talk about what you see in the future – your goals or aspirations. It’s ok to say you’re looking for a life partner. It shows you are self-aware, would like to have a committed relationship, but do not need one to be happy. Do not bemoan being single or project a longing to be married (four letter word in man-speak). I truly believe, in a man’s mind, marriage is something he falls into because he realizes he is in a wonderful relationship, he loves you, and wants you in his life forever.
GIVE HIM SPACE. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “Men want the same thing from women that they want from their underwear… a little support, comfort, and freedom.” Men actually brag to their buddies about their women not being ‘too high maintenance’ when they comply with their request for some space. There is nothing quite as rewarding as when a man brags to his friends about his girl, especially in front of her (hint, hint men).
